- Question submitted by Anonymous
You own it. Right?
You guys… I don’t drink, but for the span of like six months I totally did. And I was SUCH AN IDIOT. I made out with every single human. I’m pretty sure I embarrassed myself beyond repair and I made all of the worst decisions. HOWEVER, I don’t believe in the “omg i wouldn’t have done any of that if I wasn’t drunk” philosophy, bc like.. you’re still you (mostly) and you consciously (tho stupidly) make the decisions you make.
So, accept that you are the human you are and it was your CHOICE to jump off the roof into a leaf pile. You have that broken leg because you made a dumb decision and now you won’t do it again. You slept with your ex because you wanted to, oops. You kissed your best friend bc you thought it would be fun. You totaled your car because drunk driving is fucking stupid. YOU did these things. Learn some stuff and move on. Laugh at yourself if it’s laughable, awkwardly text your friends if it’s awkward, and call a cab, you guys.. or invite me.. DD4LYFE
Yeah, first things first: drunkenly making out with your ex is something that can and does happen to many of us. Drunkenly getting in a car and driving is never okay, never okay, NEVER. OKAY. That is a very important things to say a few times. Dig? Cool.
I am going to go ahead and assume that you "acting like a damn fool" is related to you saying a bunch of things you wish you hadn't, flirting with someone when you totally have a boo, giving everyone at the bar a hickey and not remembering until you saw the pictures, or making out with your ex. You probably made out with your ex. In most cases: you apologize one time, and, like Dannielle said, you use the experience to inform future life-decisions. There isn't anything more you can do, and most people will understand that you had a little too much to drink and tallied up one regretful evening.
Now. If this isn't an isolated situation, and you feel like there are many nights where you go out, drink too much, and then do things that you regret... this is a bigger problem. If you go out and you know that you can have a few drinks, have a blast, and go home unscathed, great. If you go out and you know that once you have a drink, you'll need to have several more until you blackout - that is a problem, and you need to seek help.
Here is a first step. Many campuses also have resources available to you. Look them up and talk to someone.
If you are just like WHOOOOOO COLLLLEGGGEEE SHIT I TOTALLY BONED MY EX I AM A HORRIBLE PERSON... you are not a horrible person. We all make mistakes. If you need to apologize, do so. Then, do what the world has been doing for centuries - move past it, drink less, and forgive yourself for your occasional indiscrections.
- Question submitted by Shel
I think you’re right to be worried about the ass-biting. Part A: I really wanted to say ass-biting. Part B: I think it’s damaging to do the opposite of what you want to make someone else a tiny bit happy, ESPECIALLY WHEN their happiness isn’t even legit.
Your parents aren’t any more comfortable because you’re hiding who you are from some people, it just makes them feel like they have some semblance of control in the situation.
I think you should come out when you want and TO WHOM you want, regardless of your parents. You can’t just hide and push things in the back of your brain forever, ya know? You will, at some point, lose your mind trying to please your parents…who BTW have made a completely unreasonable request.
You should tell them you love them, respect them, and want to get to a place where you can all understand one another. You should follow that up with an explanation of why you feel staying “in the closet” isn’t helpful to anyone. Let them know your plans to come out and ask for their support.
Absolutely. This is not a livable solution for anyone involved.
What are your parents reasons for asking you to remain closeted and single? That is the first thing you should find out, if you don’t already know. Is it because they are concerned about your safety? Is it because they think this is a phase that you will grow out of? Is it because they don’t want to have to deal with the reality of your sexuality? These are all very different places to be coming from, and in order for you to handle the situation in the best way, you have to figure our their reasoning. You have to ask them why.
Once you know the why, the name of the game is reassure them and do you. If safety is their concern, talk to them about those fears, and explain your reasoning and your plan to both come out and remain safe and responsible in your actions. If they think this is a phase, explain that you know yourself better than anyone else can, and that right now this is who you are, period. Whether or not that changes is irrelevant to your happiness right now. If they don’t want to deal with the reality… well, you are going to have to explain to them that facing the reality of the situation is critical for their happiness, and yours.
Dannielle is right: you have to do the things you need to do. You can (and should) talk to them about these decisions, and try to keep that dialogue open… but you hiding yourself against your will is totally uncool. Parents don’t always know what’s best — even for themselves.
Talk to them, be as patient as possible, but ultimately be firm in the things you need for yourself.
-Question submitted by Anonymous and answered by Kelli Miller as a part of Everyone Is Gay: Second Opinions
Being asexual means I don’t experience sexual attraction. As far as what that means for me, I once told my dad that I could go my entire life without having sex and be a perfectly happy human being. An awkward conversation to have with my dad, certainly, but it was telling of how a lot of people feel, as his answer was “That’s not right.” I don’t believe him, though, because there’s nothing wrong with me! Some people want sex, and some don’t. I just would have an easier time than most going without it.
This brings an interesting dynamic to relationships. Contrary to some myths, asexuals do have friends and some do get into romantic relationships, myself included. There are romantic orientations that we use to describe ourselves, and I consider myself homo-romantic. In short, I dig other girls. A lot. I get crushes all the time. Dating itself isn’t any more difficult for me than it can be for most other people who are a little on the neurotic side. I haven’t done an extensive amount of it, but I’ve had partners in the past. Admittedly, it is intimidating on the basis of being asexual, but relationships are built on trust and good communication, and I’ve managed to do well for myself. It turns out that most of the time spent with a partner doesn’t involve sex, so it works out for me, as I’m rather neutral towards sex and am willing to reach a compromise. My last romantic relationship involved some compromise, though not too much. I’m not averse to sex and consider it enjoyable and bonding. Asexuals can have sex; they just don’t experience the sexual attraction.
Some don’t paint a flattering picture of us. Being asexual, I’m invisible to a decent portion of the population. If we’re not invisible, then some will go on to say that we don’t exist or worse. That’s when the hurtful comments start coming in. We’re considered broken, sometimes inhuman. Someone I knew insisted I was an alien or a robot before he eventually told me that there was likely some Darwinian reason for why I’m asexual— I obviously have something so wrong with me that I’m not supposed to procreate. I was told by some people that I should check my hormones, and that is something that happens very often to those in the asexual community. As it stands, I have had my hormones checked and they are fine, thank you very much. People are downright rude, sometimes. I’ve been asked if I masturbate, which is something that happens frequently to other asexuals. I hate seeing some doctors, because I’ll be asked about my sexuality. A doctor once asked me if I was sure I wasn’t just gay, as I’m a male-bodied person who might have been in denial about liking men. Most accept it eventually, but continue to ask if I stillconsider myself asexual at other visits. We’re a rather marginalized group.
I do find people who accept me and my identity without question in my local LGBT+ community. There’s an asexual pride flag hanging in my school’s LGBT center, and I’ve found a community outside the initial asexual community I got into. I consider myself queer, but not all asexuals think or feel the same way. That identity might have more to do with my gender and the relationships I engage in, but it’s different for everyone. That’s a separate part of my being, though, so I’ll hold off. I will say that one of the more entertaining things to come out of a relationship, given my being asexual, was becoming cuddle buddies with a friend and telling her she was practically a “friend with benefits” as far as I was concerned. That’s a good taste of what I think it means to be asexual. Mileage may vary.
give advice to those who are confused about sexuality, gender-identity, dating, falling in love, or even dressing up like Super Woman. They also visit high schools and college campuses nationwide to help bring change and awareness while keeping everyone laughing.