Dannielle Says: 

You’re not a terrible person at all!

You guys, I’m sorry that we live in a world where we learn things from TV, Movies and Songs. It kind of ruins things because it’s like “YOU MEET A PERSON AND YOU FALL IN LOVE AND YOU ARE TOGETHER FOREVER, UNLESS YOU MEET SOMEONE ELSE YOU LOVE MORE, IN WHICH CASE, YOU LEAVE THAT OTHER PERSON BECAUSE NOW YOU ACTUALLY REALLY FOUND TRUE ONE LOVE.” Those are actual lyrics from a song (no they’re not). But y’all know what I mean.

We’re all soooooo different. AND HONESTLY, hardly any of those differences are accounted for when it comes to the shit we see on a daily basis. There are people who never have monogamous relationships and they’re soooo happy and healthy. There are people who have super successful polyamorous relationships that last foorreeevvverr and are the bessst. There are people who casually date and don’t have any sexi time. There are people who only have sexi time. There are just all kinds of people and you get it.

You’re lucky because you have something a lot of people don’t have, self-awareness. You know what you want. I wish I’d had that for the past billion (slight exaggeration) years of my life. It’s unbelievably difficult to figure out what you actually want because there are all these factors in the world around us that tell us what we SHOULD want, you know? It messes with you. It makes you think that you’re SUPPOSED to want one thing when in you’re brain you’re like “i don’t want a long term relationship with marriage and kids, I want THIS DIFFERENT THING.”

As long as you’re being open and honest with the people that come into your life, you’re doing great. I promise.

Kristin Says:

I second the motion of you not being a terrible person… HOWEVER, the way this question reads, it sounds like you have just figured out that you don’t want relationships, but in the past you’ve been like “Doobee doobee doo you’re pretty here’s some flowers you sweet thing kiss me let’s go the movies doobee doobee dooo BLAM I’VE DISAPPEARED.” That isn’t really the best approach to the situation… if you see what I mean?

You have to be honest and consistent about these things, otherwise the person on the other end is going to get hurt. Now, they might get hurt even if you ARE honest, but so long as you have been up front with them from the get-go, you are in the clear. If you make out with someone one time you don’t have to be all, “I DON’T DO RELATIONSHIPS,” because like… everyone calm down you are just making out. However, if you make out with a person a few times, and you start to see them more often, you have to be brutal and clear about your intentions immediamente. That is spanish for immediately.

Say, “Listen, Susie, I like you, but I don’t commit to people at this point in my life. I like making out / bonin’ but I won’t be able to have a relationship past that with you, and I will probably make out / bone other people, too. If you are cool with that LET’S MAKE OUT.” Susie might be all, “OH NO YOU DON’T,” and then that’s that. Or, Susie might be like, “AMAZING, I LOVE THIS PLAN,” and it will be brilliant. Or, Susie might be all, “OF COURSE THAT’S GREAT” and then wilt like a tiny flower in three months when she realizes that you meant what you said… but you were honest. And, while I don’t want Susie to wilt like a tiny flower, we all make decisions in this world based upon the things that we know… and if Susie KNOWS your intentions, then you have done your part.

LAST THING: I don’t think that you should drop off the face of the planet on anyone, ever… I think there is a better, healthier way to communicate your needs / interests / etcetera without just BLAM DISAPPEARING.

Cool? Cool.

Dannielle Says: 

I think you should absolutely tell them how you feel. There isn’t really anyway for them to KNOW what your process is or what you’re going through or what you’re feeling if you don’t tell them.

Chances are they’ll still be worried for you, I mean, isn’t that what our parents do best? Worry?

If I were you (keep in mind I’m terrible at conversating, so maybe you don’t need to do this) I would make a list of the reasons you want to come out now. You can just make it in your head, but prepare yourself for the questions they’ll have and answer them in your head (or on paper) ahead of time. If they’re concerned that you “aren’t thinking” and you have answers READY TO GO, it’ll just help them to realize you totally are thinking. You know what I mean?

Parents baby us for our entire lives. They don’t MEAN to, but like, we are their kids. Sometimes they need a slight reminder that we are also grown-ass-humans. Now is a good time to remind them. You know what you want to do and this is your life and you have to do what’s best for you, let them know your decision. I SUPPORT YOU.

Kristin Says:

I agree one million thousand percent. You should speak with your parents and, like Dannielle said, you should prepare yourself as best as you can for that conversation.

It is very hard for parents to transition from a place where they have to tell us not to put our hands on the stove, not to eat only twizzlers for breakfast, and not to color a mural on their living room wall, to a place where they understand us as people capable of making informed decisions. Try to look at this conversation as the first step toward a place where they will begin to understand you as a smart, capable person. They aren’t quite there yet, but that is okay. They will get there.

My personal opinion is that this is your life and your identity, and ultimately your choice. However, that doesn’t mean that I think you should just walk in and say, “Parents, this is my life so I am doing what I want.” I think you should give them the chance to be a part of this process, and I think that you should listen to their concerns honestly and openly.

Sit them down and tell them that you love them. Tell them that you know they are worried for a lot of reasons, and that you’d like to talk about those things more—but that you are living this experience and very much feel that you need to be able to come out on some level to feel like a complete person. Tell them that you would love to have their support in any way they can give it, and that if they would like to help you figure out the path forward, that would be incredibly helpful.

Hear their concerns, explain your position, listen, and make informed decisions based on that entire experience. Be respectful of them at every turn, be patient, be open, be firm. Don’t rush into anything. Express yourself clearly. If the conversation needs space, return to it in a week or so when things have calmed down. It isn’t going to be easy, and it might even be unpleasant, but it is hard to help our parents to a place where they let us grow up… and this is your first step.

Dannielle Says:

THIS IS THE WORST AND ALSO THE FUNNIEST AND HOPEFULLY IN 40 YEARS YOU’LL BE AROUND A CAMPFIRE TELLING THIS STORY TO ALL YOUR GRANDKIDS BUT FOR NOW HAHAHAHAH OMG STOP HAHAHAHA OMGOMGOMG

Whew.

Glad I got that off my chest. I’m going to pretend for a second that my BFF (who is basically my sister) sent me a nakey pix of herself on accident. I would SCREAM first and then probably text our mutual friend in all caps “WHAT DO I DO OMG I’M DYING I CAN’T LOLOLO” and I think I would end up sending the picture BACK to her and saying “WRONG NUMBER, I HATE YOU” and she would be super embarrassed and I would make fun of her for a long, long, time.

ALTHOUGH, I would only do that bc I know she could handle it and our relationship is mostly based on jokes and funny stuff. If your sister is super serious all the time and you don’t have a good relationship you should maybe use it as blackmail next time she tries to get you in trouble??

(probably don’t do that tho)

Kristin Says:

I would like to second Dannielle: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMG.

Seriously, while I know this is traumatic in the moment, and that you can never erase these images from your brain, and blahblahblah, it is one of the funniest mistakes I have ever heard of in my life. Dear god, it is hysterical.

I thought long and hard about this, and my final answer is: Doodle Buddy.

Take the naked pic of your sister, and use the Doodle Buddy app to draw on clothes, and text it back to her without any explanation. I think that will do the trick.

Here is a picture of a naked lady I found on the internet by googling “Naked Lady Tasteful,” after I gave her a Doodle Buddy outfit. You’re welcome.